There are always moments in our lives when we experience situations in which we see bad behavior from friends, family, and colleagues and go out to great lengths to justify their actions. Sometimes, it’s our lack of awareness, shyness, and fear of confronting the conflict, or a number of other reasons. Sure, everyone deserves the benefit of the doubt because no matter what we do we’re human and therefore we are bound to make mistakes along the way. But, at some point, you can’t keep justifying someone else’s bad behavior and actions over and over when they are continuously committing them without being unrepentant.
So, if you are coming to the realization that you are making excuses for one of your friends, family members, or coworkers who are toxic and behave badly to others and in public, here are 10 reasons to further strengthen your comprehension that you need to stop justifying their actions as well as someone else’s bad behavior.
It’s an unnecessary agony for everyone
When you keep trying to justify someone else’s bad behavior, many people, including your friends and family, in your circle group are the ones who are going to get pulled into their toxicity, which is an unnecessary agony caused by you who is trying to defend and make excuses for someone’s bad behavior. As much as positivity is contagious, so is negativity, and eventually, it will follow to the people in your group, and they will suffer from it, feel fed up with your actions which will lead to future conflicts and a whole lot of hurt.
You become an easy target for their manipulation
You may think that defending people with bad behavior and giving them the benefit of the doubt will get them to understand the ways of their errors, but what you don’t know is that these toxic people have just found a person they can manipulate toward their benefits. When toxic people find a nice person, who defends their unacceptable actions, to them it means that this nice person is accepting their negative behavior which gives them the power to continue their doings without worry. Not only this, but they also can manipulate you in ways to make you feel that you have to accept and defend them or otherwise it will make you be perceived as a bad person.
Making justifications for bad behavior will not get you to avoid conflict forever
There are many people, like myself, who have a bad habit of justifying other people’s bad behavior and their actions because it’s the easier route to take in avoiding conflicts with them altogether. While there is no excuse for not confronting such people, we live in a world where every member of the human race has a place in the social hierarchy. Some people are assertive while some are passive, and how these roles play out in the social circle affects how people react to certain situations. In most cases, toxic people are often hard to confront as they can look more dominant to others, causing you to avoid clashing with them. However, the continuity of justifying their actions as a means to avoid conflict will create more conflict which, by then, will be impossible to avoid them all in the future.
Downplaying other people’s unacceptable behavior and actions, then justifying them by complimenting about their good traits to show others that the good outweighs the bad does not always work. The behaviors of toxic people will just continue and get worse when you keep making excuses for them, and they will multiply on top of each other much sooner than later. It is important to address the issues to let them know that what they are doing is not cool or otherwise they will feel that nobody opposes or have a problem with what they are doing to others and in life.
You become an enabler
The cause of someone’s bad behavior and actions can be deeply rooted in the internal conflicts that they have yet to resolve. However, another cause of their bad behavior also comes from with who they associate with at work and in personal life. There’s no doubt that everyone has come across enablers or have been one, without awareness, in their life. The definition of enablers is what the word means; they enable negative and self-destructive behavior in another. When you make up excuses and justify the bad behavior and actions of someone, you are, in fact, enabling them to continue their recklessness onto others and, most importantly, themselves.
Because it’s an enervating cycle, always with a pattern to it
Justifying the actions of someone else’s behavior can be an enervating cycle, especially when there is a pattern to it. For an example, I had a friend who never could stop lying about everything. Whether it was about being on time, doing a task, or keeping any kind of promises, he would always make up excuses about why he couldn’t keep his promises. As a friend, I would make excuses to myself in justifying them. But, as days, weeks, and years went by, we went through the same cycle in which his lying behavior continued to flourish and get worse. It was obvious that there was a pattern to the cycle where he completely did not care about my feelings and friendship. From this, when we make excuses and don’t stop justifying their bad behavior and actions, it will eventually lead to stress, draining our energy and time.
The more you justify their bad behavior, the harder it is to see and speak the truth
It is harder to see and speak the truth when it comes to continuously justifying bad behavior and actions of someone else. The more you delve deeper into accepting their misbehavior and incivility, the more it will seem like a normalcy in the long run of it. When this becomes the case, it becomes hard to speak out as you also share the responsibility of letting these bad behaviors go unchecked. It is always better to confront and speak against the toxicity of someone’s behavior before it gets harder to do so.
The truth will set you free
Realizing that you are defending and making excuses for the bad behavior of someone else is the first step towards being free from their toxicity and illusion. The next step is doing the action of setting you free which is hard because the truth is a double-edged sword. When you stop making excuse for yourself and confront the person with bad behavior, you are undoubtedly asking for a clash to happen, and the entire process of it will cause you to get hurt emotionally, sometimes physically. But at the end of all of it, the truth will set you free from being part of their misdeeds and will help you make better choices as well as becoming a stronger person.
They won’t own their feelings
In retrospect, I think when we confront toxic people about their bad behaviors and actions, rather than owning their feelings, they project their feelings and thoughts onto us and accuse us of being angry with them. In a way, it shows there are some deep issues that are unresolved which you’ll find yourself justifying and defending them because of sympathy. However, this reinforces that it’s really about them and not you, especially when you’ve had enough and are attempting to stop justifying their behavior and actions. What’s more, when you’re being projected onto by them, they will question you and make you defend yourself even though you haven’t done anything wrong!
You’ll end up being the one who gets hurt
Sometimes we justify and defend other people’s bad behavior and actions because we somehow want to believe the expectation that things will come around and change for the better. However, that all depends on them, and not you. Letting things slide and making up excuses for them can hurt you emotionally in the long run. Some people in your social circle might not want to hang out or associate with you anymore. You’re going to find yourself neck-deep in all the drama and conflicts they will cause. And, not to mention all the verbal abuse you’re going to receive in your relationship with them. All in all, when you don’t make an effort to stop justifying toxic people’s behaviors and actions, you’re going to end up in a world full of hurt.