30 Reasons to Hold Off on Marriage Until You’re 30

redefining-marriage

I remember a year after high school, a friend announced on Facebook she was getting engaged to a guy I didn’t know she had even met. The idea was terrifying, and foreign, that someone my age could be living such a totally different life as to be committing themselves to someone for the rest of their days–and not even be of drinking age.

As the years went by, it happened several times for various reasons. Another classmate got pregnant and married, and then after college my former roommate announced his engagement as well. I was happy for them with in an anxious way, like I would be for someone who announces that he’s going skydiving for his birthday.

My own parents married and had me in their teens, and while they divorced, I turned out fine, so I know well enough to say that marriage in your twenties doesn’t always end in doom. Or that it is possible to meet someone young and be together for the rest of your life. But I do believe, however, marriage at that time of life is often a reckless decision, or, even if thought out, likely to end. After asking many people in their thirties or above about their opinions on the matter, I’m compiling here 30 reasons why I believe you should relish your twenties and save that big life event until you’re at least 30. 

  1. Face it: you don’t have any money for most of your twenties.
  2. You are still developing your interests and settling into who you are in your twenties.
  3. You may want to live in different cities or countries in your twenties.
  4. You need to fulfill sexual curiosities that often can’t be done when you’re married.
  5. Marriage often leads to kids. Kids mean no more worrying about just you.
  6. You probably won’t be able to use Tinder when you’re married.
  7. When you’re married, you tend to meet fewer people. It’s not as easy to be social.
  8. The most used recipe in your cooking repertoire for most of your twenties is Frosted Flakes con Leche.
  9. You can’t remember to water your plants.
  10. You won’t fall in love and marry any celebrities later in life if you get married in your twenties.
  11. What if you become much more successful than your partner? Will you and your partner be able to maturely cope with any stresses and demands that the change requires?
  12. If you’re living with your parents, you definitely shouldn’t get married. Or maybe you should. Hm.
  13. According to the Wall Street Journal, “recent research into how the brain develops suggests that people are better equipped to make major life decisions in their late 20s than earlier in the decade. The brain, once thought to be fully grown after puberty, is still evolving into its adult shape well into a person’s third decade, pruning away unused connections and strengthening those that remain, scientists say.”
  14. At the end of the day this is currently not a good economy in which to buy a house or a raise a family, even if you were making a killing.
  15. You can lose your respect for a spouse who marries you when you feel you haven’t achieved who you wanted to be yet. This can cause resentment as well.
  16. If you wait to marry later, you’ll probably have less divorces by the time you die.
  17. You will no longer be able to have sex with whomever you want, unless you have an open marriage.
  18. Your careers are often developing or changing in your twenties. You may choose a different one altogether, or it may require you or a partner to travel a lot. Do you currently have the patience or discipline for a new entry-level job and long-term relationship, or move?
  19. Moving up in the world and in your career means being social. Marrying and settling down usually does not allow you to network at full capacity, especially at nighttime events. Often, being in a serious relationship involves clocking out of work and putting everything else on hold for your partner.
  20. You typically learn more about yourself at a faster rate in your twenties than you do in any other point in life. Such dramatic change can often lead partners to take divergent paths.
  21. In your twenties you learn how to be alone with yourself and how to pull yourself together. If you don’t learn this skill in your twenties, it can be harder to do later in life. Marriage often prevents you from having enough alone time.
  22. You make some of your best friends when you’re single. The joys of drinking and dancing all night, eating pizza or McDonald’s at four in the morning, not to mention all the ups and downs of dating, are best shared with your other single friends. Memories you’ll cherish for years to come.
  23. You likely won’t get to travel as much when you’re married. Better pick a good honeymoon!
  24. Often marriage means you can no longer hang out with most people of the opposite sex without your spouse around. So save time to cherish alone time with your just-friendly boyfriend and girlfriends before a jealous spouse is breathing down your neck.
  25. When you’re married, you have to organize and plan your life a lot more than when you’re single, including hanging out with friends.
  26. When you get married, you get used to having sex with the same person. Sex becomes samey. You may try to spice it up now and then, but you likely won’t get to be as sexually adventurous as when you’re single.
  27. In your twenties you don’t really know who you are, much less what you want in a partner.
  28. In your twenties you often want to rush into marriage because you “need to,” not because you want to.
  29. Studies show half of all your friends change every seven years. Shouldn’t we consider this in relation to our romantic relationships?
  30. Marriage is all about growing with not just with someone else, but because of someone else. If you marry in your twenties, are you committing yourself to someone who will influence you positively, and make you grow? Do you have enough to offer to influence your spouse, so that he or she may grow as well?

 

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