You mean besides being triumphantly majestic, emotionally intelligent, intuitive, logical, problem-solving unicorns straight out of a fairy tale in your wildest dreams? Women are obviously the best, but there are five characteristics that raise their sexy-meter even higher. Here they are.
1. A sense of humor
This is really the most attractive thing any human can ever have ever. Girls who can laugh at themselves, be self-deprecating without being self-sacrificing, and find the absurdity of life hilarious, are sexier than the sex scene in Atonement which was the only good part of that movie and can we just take a moment to talk about how horrific the little girl was and if I ever found myself alone in a dark alley with her I would not hesitate to give her an assertive kick to the shin (or two).
2. A body that tells a story
A body that is real and unique and imperfect. It has bumps and scars and curves; it is strong, powerful and vulnerable. It’s never boring, is inconsistent, and always changing. It has no expectations, and fits no mold. It does not define her, but supports her, is forgiving, and forgiven. It is beautifully mortal and always amused. Quite frankly, it’s a miracle.
3. An inquisitive mind
When a woman isn’t content to accept something that doesn’t make sense, something that is wrong, something that is shallow–isn’t vapid, but is constantly searching for answers, whether in the form of academic research, late night, hours-long conversations about the meaning of life, or a confident, calm objection to the mishandling of an insurance claim–that’s a huge turn-on.
Of course we hate everyone and everything, but we still manage to summon kindness towards those in need of it. Compassion when it’s deserved, necessary, and helpful is important. There’s nothing sexier than a woman who feeds the children, or rescues the homeless rabbits, or simply smiles at someone who’s having a bad day. Because it demonstrates her selflessness–it shows that she’s not narcissistic, she realizes how unfair life can be and isn’t going to be a willing, passive bystander–she’s going to attempt to make a change with what little power she has, and going to do good to counteract all the bad. If nothing else, men, this means she’ll be GIVING IN BED ohhhhh got you there, didn’t I?
5. An adventurous spirit
You know what’s not sexy? Someone who’s boring. A lady who has wanderlust, on the other hand, seeks excitement and adventure, and isn’t afraid to take risks (men: please note this does NOT refer to her condom use decision-making), is definitely a panty dropper (boxers/briefs dropper?).