There are certain milestones in life that we all look forward to. We think that it’s the next step in our lives, the new chapter, from here on in, everything is going to be perfect. Unfortunately, sometimes the things we think will be a blissful happy time turn out to be a total anxiety inducing experience.
Luckily, we all go through and you will get out of it alive. However, I want to prepare you before so it’s not a slap in the face like it was for me.
Ah, college. The best time of your life, right? Everyone is super excited to graduate from college. No more classes, you get to be a part of the real world, and you get to make money. HAHA. What you realize once you graduate is that you have to move back in with your parents because literally nobody is hiring and if they are, it’s shit pay. They you realize you have to pay bills and student loans (which are like, forever). And lastly, the freedom from class that you so desperately wanted, well, you’d give your left tit to be sheltered in the four walls of college once again.
Looking for your first adult home
Whether you’re buying or renting, you’re probably super excited, right? Well, let me shit on that parade for you. Rent is expensive, mortgages are more expensive (actually, TBH, they’re probably the same at this point except you can’t afford to put a down payment on anything so you’re fucked either way), there are a ton of documents and shit to sign. Oh yea, and you’re responsible for something other than yourself now. Good luck.
This is supposed to be the happiest time of your life, right? Too bad weddings costs a fortune and you and your beloved probably won’t agree on anything. Throw in some family drama because someone from one side of the family is going to hate someone else from the other. Then, sprinkle in the fact that everyone is putting immense pressure on you and you’ll probably want to elope …. by yourself …. like without your fiancée even.
Having a baby
Yes, they’re adorable. Sure, you’ve planned for it. Unfortunately, when the baby comes you realize you have no idea what the fuck you’re doing, everyone is always in your business trying to give unsolicited advice, you figure out how much babies really cost, and there’s shit everywhere … all the time. So yea, the idea of having a baby is pure joy. Until you actually have one and don’t sleep for three years.
Moving out of your parents house
LOL. I can’t help but laugh when people younger than me tell me how excited they are to finally move out of their parents house. Stay there, you morons. Growing up is a trap. You know what comes with moving out of your parents house? Bills, more bills, shopping for food, doing your own dishes, laundry, cleaning, and everything that you never thanked your mom for doing. Don’t be an asshole, stay at home as long as you can.