Here we go, I know I’m going to ruffle some feathers now. Society and programmed content love to throw around this buzzword “soulmate.” “Soulmate” this and “soulmate” that go, what are Ross and Rachel then, as we would eagerly wait for them to get back together for the 25th time before Friends ended.
We are told by our friends and family that there is one person out there for us. Someone who gets us, completes us, one who makes our half whole. Our “soulmate” and in the grand scheme of things will be brought to us. There is a higher power and the universe will bring two people who are meant to be together, together.
We are we told to romanticize this. Why are we told to believe in this and not ourselves? “Soulmates” at the end of the day is nothing more than a social construct, here are 6 reasons why:
Our Brains Are Meant to Deal With Break Ups
A term called mat ejection was coined in 2015 by researchers at Saint Louis University. It basically is just a really sophisticated and boujee way of saying break up. MRIs used in a study showed that parts of the brain that light up from cocaine addiction recovery also light up when someone is dealing with a break up (link). Dr. Boutwell says that the brain works hard to sever ties, just like someone abstaining from drug usage.
Arguments that arise with your “soulmate” they are more problematic than any other relationship. Because there is this stigma that “soulmates” are the be all end all, the pinnacle of our romantic existence, when conflict occurs it’s worse. It’s worse in the sense that you don’t think problems would show up with someone you deem your “soulmate” which is nonsense.
It Doesn’t Make Sense Mathematically
Randall Munroe is a former NASA programmer and author of webcomic ‘xkcd’ approximates that if soulmates is a thing that is predetermined at birth, and that they are also born around the same time as you, AND also gauging that you make eye contact with about two dozen people a day give or take, the odds of you meeting your soulmate is a whopping 1 in 10,000. A glorious 0.0001%. I’m no math major or gambling addict, but those do not sound like good odds.
It Undermines Us
This idea that we will find someone that will complete us and make us better undermines us as individuals. It in someones says that we are incapable of living a fulfilling and exciting life unless we have this supposed “soulmate” by our side to go through things with. Additionally, it undermines people in relationships. No relationship is a work in the park. It will have its highs and
Additionally, it undermines people in relationships. No relationship is a work in the park. It will have its highs and its lows. Just blindly believing you are with your soulmate fixes nothing. It undermines the hard work, communication, and patience that long-term couples go through.
Unwarranted Pressure on You and Partner
Let’s say you’ve been with a few partners before you meet your “soulmate.” It puts an inordinate amount of pressure fro them to be exponentially better than everyone else. They get put on this pedestal that they may or may not live up to.
No Universal Definition
The definition varies from person to person as people come up with new ways to say what it is or isn’t. It is idealism in its purest form. It’s these joyous and lovey-dovey description of people, that seems more like an escape from reality. It ignores the parts like how love sometimes ends and it can hurt like hell. If you start dating someone who you believe is your “soulmate” it might be you hoping that the relationship will be easy, straightforward, and devoid of problems, 3 things that are most definitely not synonymous with a partner/love.