6 Things That Happen When All of Your Friends are Married and You’re Single AF

large_will-i-be-single-forever-vukokhnl

All your friends are adults now, and they have their own lives and their own significant others that tell them what to do, what to wear, and who to sleep with for the rest of their lives. And you’re just sitting in your underwear on the couch, trying to figure out what to Netflix for the next 10 hours.

And then it dawns on you that everyone else in your life is paired up, and it either makes you incredibly depressed or ecstatic that there’s no one pulling on your strings – you get to be your own you.

So whether you’re all smiles, or a frowny McSadFace, it’s time to face the facts – you’re the only single one left out of your group of friends, and riding solo isn’t nearly as fun as it sounded 10 years ago. Here are the 6 things that make you everyone’s favorite third wheel.

You get invited to stuff no one else wants to go to 

Your buddy’s wife or husband doesn’t want to go watch the new King Kong movie? Well f- them, your friend will think, my lonesome BFF has nothing better to do, I’ll take them on this magical journey to Skull Island. And you know the worst part? They’ll be absolutely right, because you won’t have anything better to do.

You’re apparently a relationship expert because you can keep secrets

And it’s not so much the fact that you can keep secrets, but really the fact that you have nobody to spill the beans to. Your friends will come to you when someone or something is bothering them, and you’ll listen and nod and hug them at the end, because at this point any type of human contact makes you feel alive, finally. It doesn’t even matter if you can help solve their problem, they just didn’t want to tell anyone who had other people in their lives. Congratulations, you human-diary.

You become okay eating alone, and everyone else feels bad 

You start stories with how you were sitting at a coffee shop by yourself, or how you finally tried that new pizza place on your own, and your married friends will make that face that people make when someone’s pet dies. It’s sad, and they can probably muster up enough human sentiment to relate, but they’re just secretly glad their dog is still alive, and they have someone to hold at night.

You get set up – a lot

When people pair up happily, they start to assume it’s the solution for all of your problems too. It doesn’t matter if you enjoy being alone, or if you dread it secretly, because someone will constantly try to sell you on one of their friends who happens to be single. And to get it straight – no friend of a friend happens to be single. People in relationships hang out with other people in relationships, or they try to start you on a relationship so they can get back to only hanging out with other couples.

You’re the only one who still does that thing you call a hobby

Remember when all of your friends met up every Sunday to watch the game, or when everyone hit the gym on the same day? Well, neither does anyone else, because you’re the only one who still does it. Whether it’s playing video games, or watching your weekly television show, you’re now doing it alone. And playing Division by yourself, as your calling out to nobody through your X-Box headset isn’t really as sad as it sounds (it’s worse).

You start to hate PDA

Not that anyone really enjoyed it to begin with, but you’ll grow to hate hand-holding, cheek pecks, and baby names for non-babies. You’ll secretly resent your couple friends when they call each other sweetie, and think to yourself about how you would never do that. And then when you roll your eyes into the back of your head, you’ll realize that no one else is there to do it with you, because they’re all busy staring into each other’s eyes. Congratulations, you’re their forever-alone friend now.

Comments

comments

Categories
AdviceOpinion

RELATED