Listen, relationships are hard. Even if the two of you are a perfect match, there’s always extraneous things that could cause a relationship to fail. That’s just the way it works. And sometimes, it’s due to a partner who wasn’t prepared themselves for a relationship. Whether it be approaching the actual relationship, or the stages of entering a relationship, here’s some things that you can need to do on your own before you enter a relationship. And remember, in a relationship, you come before anybody else does.
Learn to love yourself first
I wrote something about this recently. To sum it up briefly, the most important person in your love life (and the rest of your life entirely) is you. If you can’t love yourself, then you sure as hell won’t be able to love another human being. If you carry this insecurity into a relationship, you’ll eventually start to depend on your partner too much, and it can damage your relationship. Learn to be comfortable by yourself first off, and view your partner as a plus when it comes to love.
Knowing the kind of partner you’re looking for
The more you talk to the opposite sex, the more you realize the “type” of person you’re looking for. For example, most of my past girlfriends have been tallish brunettes, most of whom I would characterize as quirky. I guarantee you that you have some kind of type like I do. But beyond physical looks, you need to know what exactly you’re looking for in a partner. Whether it be someone who will become your muse, or be your partner in crime, they should complete you in a way that no one else will. It’s also important to realize that just because you have a “type,” doesn’t mean you should only restrict yourself to it. What you’re looking for may not come in the way you expect it, and you should always keep your mind open.
Knowing what kind of future you want with your partner
Finding a partner is just half the battle. You have to realize what exactly you want your future to hold with your partner as well. You should definitely have an idea of this when you first enter a relationship. I’m mostly referring to whether or not you want children, as well as when and if you want to get married or even move in together. But don’t bring up this stuff too soon, because it may scare your partner into thinking that you’re moving too fast. Those kind of conversations will come up over time, and you should e ready for them when they do happen.
Realize that some things may not be meant to last
Relationships go either one of two ways, either you spend the rest of your life with your partner, or your break up. It’s kind of a scary thing to think about. And while I’d like to lie to you and say that all relationships are meant to last, it would be a disservice. Sometimes relationships don’t work. And sometimes they don’t have a reason; they just don’t work. But whatever the case, you always have to be aware of the fact that your relationship could always end. If you live with your head in the clouds and think everything will always be okay, then news flash, it won’t always be. You have to realize that breakups are always an option, but hopefully the two of you are doing everything you can to avoid that outcome.
Realize that everyone’s relationship is different
One of the worst things you can do to your relationship is to compare it to other ones. By doing that, you may be setting unrealistic expectations for either you or your partner to achieve, and it’ll take a toll on your relationship. You have to realize that everyone’s relationship is different, and what works for one relationship might not work for another. Find out what works in your relationship, and don’t let others try to impact what works for you.
Realize that not everyone is going to approve of your relationship
This can apply to your everyday life as well. No matter what you do, you’re not gonna be able to please everyone that you want. It’s like that Newton law, the “one reaction has an equal and opposite reaction” thingy. The point is, you shouldn’t be worried about pleasing others with your relationship. If you’re happy, then you’re happy. And people are mad that you’re happy, why should you give a shit about them? Don’t let other’s negativity impact your relationship; the only person’s approval in your relationship is you and your partners’ own.
Have your professional life settled
You don’t have to be earning six figures a year by the time you’re in your 20’s, but at least having somewhat of a plan is a start. Because as your relationship progresses, hopefully, it’ll start to get more serious as you two maybe move in and coordinate finances with each other. If one of you starts to become the breadwinner, it’ll start to drain your relationship. It’s surprising how many people tend to fall back on their S/O for financial support when shit hits the fan. Or if there was never any shit to begin with. Don’t settle for someone that’ll constantly be on you for support. Instead, find someone that is at least somewhat successful, who doesn’t need to rely on you.