So it’s cuffing season, and chances are good you’re looking for a cuddle buddy to while away the frosted hours warm beneath a blanket. Understandable. But where to find the perfect holiday lover?
Tinder, of course! The app is just bursting with conveniently-located singles (or philandering partners) who are just eager to buddy up for the winter months.
Navigating the Tinder world can be intimidating, but we here at the Newscast Relationship Research Institute know just what you should be looking for while you’re busy swiping. Ho ho ho!
You’re looking for a straightforward picture, here. Not a group shot, at least not as their main picture. Group shots are designed to make you think the person is more attractive and/or popular than they really are.
A person says a lot with their main picture. Are they bookish? Outdoorsy? Outgoing or soft-spoken? Serious or silly? They’re sending you a message. Pay close attention to what they’re saying.
Avoid finance guys. Don’t ask me why, just take my word for it. A person’s job is not everything, but it tells you at least a little bit about their interests, skills, and motivation.
You’re looking for someone compatible. If you want a gentler dude, go for a teacher or a nonprofit guy. You want a meathead, find a personal trainer or MMA fighter. You get it. It may feel like you’re stereotyping, and maybe you are, but dating is a numbers game, and you’re trying to narrow the field as much as possible.
This one’s obvious. It reveals all you guys have in common: TV shows, music, sports, activities, politics. This should be the first place you scan. Not because it’s necessarily the most important section of the profile, but because it is the most straightforward and information-rich.
Extremely revealing. You can tell a lot about a person by the company they keep. Checking out the people you know in common lets you know what circles they run in, which tells you a lot about their values, sense of humor, and personal history.
If your only shared friends are your pyromaniac ex-roommate and that friend from college who was arrested for calling in a bomb threat, swipe left and move on.
This CAN be the most telling part of any profile, but it depends how long the profile is. In general, you actually want a shorter bio. A long, self-descriptive bio basically screams, “I think about myself a lot! I need your attention and approval! Help! Love me!” It’s unattractive and not a good sign.
You want either no bio or a short, funny one. The more they write about themselves, the crazier they are.
Sense of Humor
While it’s not technically it’s own section, a person’s sense of humor comes through in myriad small ways: their photo choices, their bio, their shared interests, even your mutual friends. A person with a sense of humor is more likely to be intelligent, a decent conversationalist, and an empathetic person. Unfunny people are dense and boring. Sorry, but it’s true.
A person’s Instagram says a lot about them. It provides you with a glimpse into their aesthetic sense, their sense of humor (see above), their priorities, their friends, and their interests. Avoid someone with too many selfies, or faux-humble “Oh-I’m-just-hanging-out-looking-all-buff” thirst trap shots. Those people are narcissists.
You know what you want? From all of this? Someone normal. Skips the bad boys and the men of mystery. Your true love is a normal dude (or dudette, or however they identify) with a normal life who is nice, and funny, and sweet, and cool. Sounds easy, but it’s not. It takes work. But luckily for you, we’ve already given you a head start.