First impressions are everything. This can especially be said for Tinder. Presentation is key for Tinder. Put your best photos (hopefully one with a cute animal or two), crank up the filters, and show off your best features. Okay, so you’ve mastered the craft of photo selection after rummaging through your camera roll and Instagram account.
It’s all about crafting a witty bio that puts an association with that face. You want your bio to pop and people to remember who you are, in a sea eagerly anticipated dick pics. You can go whatever route you want: honest, funny, interests, creative, and so forth. The bio can make or break a profile. Sometimes you see things and go, “why is that their bio?” and swipe left immediately. Here are some habits to avoid putting in your Tinder bio.
If someone’s bio has “Swipe left if..” I immediately swipe left. I’m now conditioned to swipe left if I see that phrase. I just don’t like these limiting and requirements that happen so often on Tinder. The great thing about it is that it gives us a wide scope of people that are in our vicinity that we don’t even know about. You get to see snippets of people’s lives and personality with each profile. What makes someone them. When you put requirements you’re doing yourself a disservice from what the dating pool has to offer (sans the dick pics).
Here for Friends
You do not have my sympathy if you go on Tinder with this bullshit. Don’t do this. Just don’t please. I’m sure there are other apps out there that are specifically for making friends, but Tinder is definitely no that. And if there’s no app for friends, GO MAKE ONE.
Tinder is a dating/hook up apps as I’m sure you know by now. If you haven’t found success on it, I’m sure one of your friends has. Knowing this why would you go on the app and try to make friends??! Do you really want thirsty guys as friends?? I didn’t think so. You don’t see me going on LinkedIn asking if anything will help me move my couch. You know why? Because I know that’s not what the app is for. Stop saying you’re “just here for friends.” You’ll probably make more enemies if anything and I already hate you.
How vain are you? You confident are you in your physical attractiveness that you feel narcissistic enough to leave your bio blank. You must be something else. Either that or you’re a bot. Nowadays, when I see a blank bio I question it.
Just Message Me
This is the dumbest shit I’ve ever seen. All this tells me is that you were too lazy and lacked the creativity to come up with something for your bio. How is that interaction even supposed to go?
A: Hey, you said to message you. Wat up?
B: Nm just chillin lol u
AND YOU NEVER TALK AGAIN.
Unless you look the part, you can;t get away with this. What’s the point of that as your bio, it does your profile no benefit. It gives someone potentially interested in you any insight as to a topic of conversation that you might be interested in. If you’re bored with a conversation from the get go then it’s not doing you any favors.
Okay, this is a pet peeve. I hate when I go on Tinder and see someone cute enough to click on their picture. I’m perusing their profile only to see their bio saying “Actually 17.” Why do that?!? That’s so disrespectful. Why are you 17 and on Tinder in the first place? Shouldn’t you be getting your braces put in or something? Isn’t there a Regents exam you have to be studying for. Don’t you go to a school with a decent student body where you can meet someone your age? I’m over here trying meet and boo and you fucking my shit up now. Cut it out!
Additionally, to those of you that have a fake age and DON’T say anything about it in your bio. There is a special place in hell for you and Jimmy Fallon’s fake laugh.
Only Social Media
These people are almost as bad as you fake agers. Don’t just put your Snapchat and Instagram in your bio. All it tells me is that you’re just doing it to accrue followers. Miss me with that. You want more people to see how hot you are and follow you because of it. You don’t really care about the people you just want to hit 1K followers so your ex knows what he lost.
Likewise, don’t say “I’m not really on this app. Message me on Instagram.” Really? You want me to slide into your DMs. That’s what you want. This is 2017. Everyone is on their fucking smartphones. Smartphones are the new social security cards. Everyone can see and anticipate when they get phone notifications. Don’t act like you’re some zen hot shit and live life without your phone. You know and are actively on Tinder. Don’t be a lazy brat.
Don’t Say, “I Don’t Know Why I’m Here”
Appropriate reasons for saying “I Don’t Know Why I’m Here”: you’re lost, you’ve been kidnapped, your friends dragged you somewhere, your life is in shambles.
Those are reasons why that phrase should be uttered. Never, for whatever reason should it be in your Tinder bio. If I saw someone in person with this as their bio, I would immediately dropkick them in the throat. Let’s not be dumb or coy, we know why you’re on Tinder. Pretending you don’t just make you look annoying and lame. When we do things, we have a purpose. Why are you on Tinder? Relationship. Hookup. Casual Dating. If you really don’t know, get a damn hobby.