Sometimes we forget to think before we speak. Or maybe, we become so comfortable in our relationships that we forget to be more considerate of our partners feelings. We might say some things that can cause harm to our partners, even though there was no harm intended.
What we say can do some real harm to the people we love, but sometimes we’re not always aware of what words hurt them. What’s worse it when your partner is unable to communicate with you that they are hurt. Communication is key in a relationship and is the only way you two can truly understand each other.
There’s a good chance that you’re saying things that hurt your partner without you even realizing you’re doing it.
Mentioning previous partners
Even if you feel comfortable and open with your partner, it’s probably best to avoid mentioning past experiences with previous partners. By you mentioning them, even if it’s without any ill intention, you can make your partner feel insecure or jealous. They might assume that you still think about your ex while you’re with them, or that you compare them to your past partners.
Making light-hearted jokes about things they care about
Making fun of their interests, even if you do it jokingly, can actually hurt your partner. You making fun of their hobbies, interests, or passions can make them feel as if what they like isn’t important, or that you look down on them.
Telling them to “be quiet” or to “shut up”
You telling them “to be quiet” or to “shut up”, is degrading and shows that you don’t respect them. Even if you didn’t mean for it to come off harsh, it’s still not okay to say, and it’s no way to talk to someone you’re in a relationship with.
Comparing them to an overbearing parent
Sometimes when your partner is complaining about something you’ve done, you might feel overwhelmed and frustrated and then tell them something along the lines of “you’re not my dad/mom.” Comparing them to your parents can hurt them because it makes them feel as if them pointing out something that’s bothering them is such a big deal that it upsets you or overwhelms you just how your parents did when you were a kid. They’re suppose to be your partner, your equal. Not your parent.
Saying “you’re such an idiot”
Calling them an “idiot” or “stupid” when they do something silly, or make a carless mistake can hurt their feelings. It makes them feel as if you look down on them.
Telling them they “have to” do something
Telling them they “have to” do something makes them feel as if they aren’t respected and aren’t viewed as an equal by you. It also makes them feel as if they don’t have a voice, and that their opinion doesn’t matter to you.
The one that always backfires “calm down”
Telling someone to “calm down” doesn’t really do the job. Actually, it probably has the exact opposite affect. Telling someone to “calm down” will only make them feel as if you’re ignoring what they’re saying.
Saying an apology followed by a “but”
An apology doesn’t sound sincere if it’s followed by a “but.” You might think that explains your side and justifying what you did or said will help, but it will only feel as though instead of receiving an apology they’ve received a rebuttal. Saying “but” will make them feel as if your pride means more to you then their feelings.