We all know those people. Your sweet, naive friend who is constantly hoping that the person she met at the deli or on the latest dating app is “the one”. She can’t comprehend why he or she isn’t texting back or why a few decent dates didn’t materialize into a relationship. She really, really, really wants to be in love.
The thing is: that’s a problem. Of course, all of us outside of the aromantic/asexual spectrum would like to be in love at some point. That’s fine. The issue arises when one prioritizes looking for a serious romantic relationships over all other aspects of life, such as, oh, I don’t know, self-love, personal fulfillment, and inner contentment.
It’s almost Valentine’s Day, but forget looking for a date. Here are some reasons you should be looking for happiness rather than love:
If you fall in love, it might crash and burn. Which is fine- heartbreaks are a part of life. However, without the ability to find happiness from within, you’ll be irrevocably devastated. Individuals who only feel happiness from external factors, such as other people, are worse at moving forward. It’s not that people who are content can’t feel sadness- it’s just that they’ll better suited to reach equilibrium once again.
Finding happiness and soul-searching can basically mean whatever you want it to mean! The journey to happiness is unique to you. That’s what makes it so much fun! You can try out cool new hobbies you’ve always been a bit scared of, or start carving out time to cook for yourself. Maybe even try some boutique exercise class you wrote off as being too expensive. Whatever it is- trying out these new things to see what brings you happiness is a really rewarding process.
Happiness doesn’t come with a road map. Maybe you’ve always spent your time hanging out with other people, and come to realize that you actually prefer solitary activities. That’s totally cool! Actively making positive changes in your life can bring about some pretty shocking conclusions.
Happiness is More Important
It is. Being happy in your personal, professional, and emotional life is more important than being in love. Feeling confident and excited to take on a new day is going to fulfill you in a deeper way than another person ever could. You can be absolutely starry-eyed over another human being, but still be unhappy inside.
A Partner Should Never Be in Charge of Your Happiness
That brings me to my next point. If you go into a relationship feeling lackluster and dull on the inside, your new significant other can’t change that. Expecting your partner to bring you out of a dark place or imbue your life with new meaning is too much responsibility. Plus, if you have no other hobbies, interests, or things you like to do alone you’ll end up suffocating the person.
Being Single is Important
And I mean really single. Not actively scrolling through Bumble, Tinder, and Hinge single. No single but secretly hoping someone approaches you at a bar and you fall in love single. I mean, seriously, all-alone, eating ice cream in your sweatpants with your roomie single. This is the best time to do some soul-searching, and a great way to realize that life without a partner is not only possible, but can be really cool.
You fall in love, you get married, you have babies … honestly, I’m tired of it. There are too many people on this god-forsaken planet. Do us all a favor and stop reproducing.
Happiness is Attractive
Not to reference one of the most tired love cliches, but it is true that love often finds you when you’re not looking. A happy, well-adjusted person with a myriad of interests is going to be more attractive. Plus, constantly looking for love is a turnoff. The naive friend I mentioned earlier is partially striking out because she wants it too badly. It’s sad, but it’s true: human nature is to be repelled by desperation.