Media forces us to view images of other people and change aspects of ourselves to be more like them. Whether it be having a bikini bod like Jessica Biel or a killer personality like Ryan Reynolds, we are fed the idea that we should aspire to be every other person except ourselves. And that, my friends, is bullshit. There is absolutely no reason that you should attempt to be any other person besides yourself. Of course we expect the superficial Hollywood-obsessed media outlets to make us feel badly about ourselves but what about the people we know and love? Surely our significant others would never want us to change, right?
The truth of the matter is that most couples will find themselves in a position of wanting the other person to change without understanding what that could mean for them. In fact, the idea of being needed to change to better suit someone else is disheartening. It can make us insecure about ourselves and ultimately becoming someone we don’t want to be. There is nothing in this world that should force you to change for another person. Even in dire circumstances, any change you must do has to come fully from yourself. Changing yourself for someone else is forfeiting your own development.
Change is all good and fun but when you are manipulating certain things about yourself, you’re being dishonest. If you enjoy having chocolate at night while watching Netflix but told your partner that you’d rather read and sip tea, you’re lying. Given, that’s a pretty innocent example and yet perfectly plausible. That nightly ritual may seem silly but it’s part of your life which makes it an aspect of you.
It doesn’t work
People don’t change completely ever unless it is something they decide to do. The changing behavior will not remain because it is something that is motivated because of expectation and pressure. Change has to come from your own desire to better yourself as a person not because your partner told you that you’ve recently gained a little weight.
Having to constantly monitor yourself and make sure that you are in line with the changes being demanded can be tiring. Who has the energy to keep up the façade for the duration of day? And once you’re in it, you’re in it until the other person is satisfied with the results; even writing that statement disgusts me. Save your energy from such a meaningless goal.
Just going strictly on the emotional point, when someone asks you to change, it’s hurtful as hell. It’s the idea that there’s a part of you that isn’t good enough for them and if it’s not good enough for them, it’s not good enough for life. Don’t allow this false idea breed a new form of insecurity in you. You don’t have to go through that.
It’s a waste of your precious time
You have so few hours in the day and you have plenty of work to accomplish that has nothing to do with pleasing someone else. Again, if you want to make changes solely on your own accord, do it. But if you are trying to do it for someone else, skip it! You have so many things you can do that is much more worthy of your time and attention.
It slows down your own potential
Making changes you didn’t think needed to be made in the first place will impede you from doing the things you want to do. If you dreamt of traveling abroad but now find yourself not having the funds to do it because your partner thinks that you needed a new wardrobe, that’s shit. It is not allowing you to grow and develop, reducing your potential to do great things in life.
It’s impossible to keep up
It will never last if it’s something you don’t want to do. You can’t keep up appearance based on the fact that you feel like you’re expected to be or look a certain way. You can’t maintain that type change.
They should love you as you are
No person that you are with should ever ask you to change yourself to their liking. You are perfect the way you are and anyone that surrounds themselves around you should appreciate and love you as you are. If you find yourself with someone who is constantly asking you to change, tell them to go to hell. I’m sure the Dalai Lama said those wise words before.