When it comes to ladies, some guys have plenty of notches on their belt. (Personally, I use an elastic waistband). But those notches are not always something to brag about. Fellas need to have a certain amount of bad dating experiences before they can have the perfect one. 8, to be specific. So fellas, once you have run the gamut of these 8 dating archetypes, you will be prepared, psychologically and physically, for the woman of your dreams.
The First One
You’re new to dating, she’s new to dating; it’s a mess. To each other, you’re more or less a mutually agreed upon trial period. Better yet, you’re crash dummies: you can just try things out on each other without fear of actual consequences, because you both know it will go nowhere.
The Innocent One
She has never done anything wrong (not that you can tell, at least). It starts out well enough, but you come to realize that she’s just too sweet. You feel as if you tried to make it long term, something’s gotta give. Either you rescind your evil ways, or you corrupt her. And you don’t want that on your conscious.
The Crazy One
After dating someone who made you feel bad about how whacked you are, the pendulum has swung back in your favor. Now, you’re dating someone who makes you feel like a completely reasonable guy. She’s not dangerous, by any means, but you know it won’t work out, trying to live the rest of your life while always being on your toes.
She loves volunteering, and everything she does is for someone other than her. She’s practically Mother Teresa, but with less wrinkles (and is hopefully still alive). At first, you feel proud to be dating someone who’s such a paragon of human kindness. But after a while, they want you to start volunteering to, trying to better yourself as a person by giving yourself to others. That’s when you pull the plug.
Sure she’s pretty and stuff, and caters to your every need. But, she is so god damn condescending about it. She treats you like you’re an idiot, her bumbling, Ralph Kramden, Al Bundy, idiot partner who she has to always keep out of trouble. She doesn’t respect your intelligence, and you can’t live with someone who always puts you down.
It’s bound to happen. Out of 8 women, one of them is practically guaranteed to cheat on you. Luckily, you can always figure it out which one it is; she’s elusive, you feel like you don’t see her, and she seems like she just says things to get you to shut up and not ask questions. If anything, try and get this one out of the way early, and never date “The Cheater” ever, ever again.
The Success Story
You work part-time as a bar back, and she’s getting ready to graduate law school. You never knew what she really saw in you in the first place (perhaps you’re the equivalent of “The Crazy One” out of her 8). Deep down, you know that she will abandon you in the long term. Financially, you just aren’t her level, and in terms of building a life together, money is a vital factor that you can’t deliver on.
This is the big hurdle that you have to get over: the one that you think is the “one.” You’ve been in a long-term relationship, and it’s been so wonderful. You’re convinced that you’ve found her. But, let’s double check that headcount: 1-2-3-4-5-6-7… Then, as soon as you acknowledge it, the relationship seems like it’s stagnant. Yesterday she was perfect, today she’s not. Inexplicably, things just fall apart Only after you’ve lost everything are you then ready to give everything again, and be seasoned enough to foster a relationship that goes the distance.