Hey, you did it! You convinced a human woman (presumably) to agree to spend time with you on a regular basis. You may even be having sex. This is a huge step for you. It may even stop your mean cousins from teasing you.
But don’t get lazy! Just because she’s with you now doesn’t mean she’ll stay! Women nowadays are allowed to choose their partners, and she could choose to leave at any old time.
We both know what that means: you have to trick her into continuing to like you. This is possible. Many men have done it before. Better men than you, to be sure, but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn their tricks.
Cook For Her
Much like you, females must consume food in order to grow and survive. Rather than letting her fend for herself, take time to prepare meals that the two of you can consume together. This will ensure both of you continue to live, and it doubles as a sort of romantic bonding ritual.
So dust off those pots and pans, scrape that weird black spot off the shelf in your fridge, and get cookin’!
Buy Her Things
If there’s one thing women love, it’s possessions. Like the common crow, women gather and horde great collections of shiny trinkets. Just as you may treasure your fedora or your gaming console, women, too, cherish certain objects above others. Find out which items your woman enjoys and buy them for her.
Popular items among women include jewelry, clothing and accessories, flowers, yoga mats and apparel, glass beads, bottle caps, and scraps of foil.
One thing you don’t want is to let a comfortable routine turn into a depressing rut. If you’re lucky enough to keep her for that long.
So surprise her! Be spontaneous. Arrange a day trip. Rearrange the furniture when she’s out of the house. Emit high-pitiched shrieks at odd intervals, then act like nothing happened. Anything to keep things fresh.
A woman’s body parts can become tired and sore after a long day of standing, walking, sitting, and crouching. Offer a foot rub or neck massage. She’ll appreciate the relief, and you’ll get to touch all up on her without being labelled a creep.
Listen To Her
Modern science reminds us that women are capable of complex thought and even forms of speech. When your girlfriend speaks, listen to her. She may be trying to communicate her needs, wants, and desires, or discussing an issue that’s causing her concern.
Resist the urge to interrupt, correct, or chastise her. Instead, just listen. Offer helpful feedback if she requests it. Be sure to keep a notebook at hand to record your exchanges.
Spend Time With Her
I know that your fantasy football league buddies are more fun, but your special female buddy needs attention, too. Don’t forget to spend time with her just like you do with your other friends. It doesn’t have to be some big, special outing; many women enjoy watching television, reading quietly, or going for a stroll along a nearby reservoir.
The point is: put in the time. She may reward you with sex for your efforts.
Compromise With Her
Most women are capable of autonomous action. Your woman-friend will not put up with you for long if you attempt to dictate what she does, who she sees, or where she goes. Compromise is a necessity.
Bargain with her. Find a middle ground. Offer her food or bits of scrap metal as an incentive to see things your way. But never forget to keep her needs in mind.
Believe it or not, women also enjoy sex when it is performed properly. You can’t just blindly hump your way into pleasuring your female. Find out what she likes. Poke and prod her until she sounds like she’s enjoying herself, then keep poking that spot. Ask her if she likes that.
Keep your mind open and be willing to experiment.
I’ll be honest: I got the idea for this one because it rhymes with “pleasure her.” But that doesn’t make the insight any less valid!
In fact, treasuring your woman might be the best summation of this list. Your partner is an object, a reflection of your worth. So treat her accordingly! Take time to feed and bathe her. Keep her in a warm, dry environment. Play with her and exercise her regularly.
If you put in the work, your girlfriend will reward you with love and loyalty. Play your cards right, and she will be yours until the end of days.