Cara Delevingne Talks About Her Mother’s Heroin Addiction And Her Struggle With Depression In New Interview

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In the most recent issue of Esquire Magazine, Cara Delevingne bares all—physically and emotionally. It might be easy for some to assume that because she comes from a privileged background her life has been happier than most. In the honest interview Delevingne bravely discusses how this wasn’t the case for her, as it isn’t for many people. Despite the wealth and advantage she still struggled with depression and suicidal thoughts. Just because one has money and opportunity, doesn’t mean they are saved from themselves.

While Delevingne has always been open about her struggle with depression, in the new interview she reveals how it first manifested when she was a child struggling to understand her mother’s addiction to drugs,

“She was sick a lot, in hospital a lot, and there were times when she would leave for quite a long time and I wouldn’t know where she was. I didn’t feel like I had any control of anything in my life so I just kind of went on a food strike. I was like, ‘I’m not going to eat until someone tells me where she is.’ I remember my sister, Poppy, saying something like, ‘Mum used to do heroin.’ And I was like, ‘What the f*ck is that? Like heroes and heroines?’ I was a tiny child. Like, ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.'”

All of the pressures she dealt with growing up, the need to do well in school, lead to a “mental breakdown” at the age of 16,

“I was suicidal. I couldn’t deal with it any more. I realized how lucky and privileged I was, but all I wanted to do was die. I felt so guilty because of that and hated myself because of that, and then it’s a cycle. I didn’t want to exist anymore. I wanted for each molecule of my body to disintegrate. I wanted to die. I would run off to the woods and smoke a pack of cigarettes and then I would smash my head so hard into a tree because I just wanted to knock myself out.”

That same year she was given medication as a treatment for her depression,

“I didn’t feel shit. It was horrible. I was like a sociopath,” she said. “I hate meds. I think they saved my life and they’ve probably saved my mother’s life but I don’t agree with them. It’s so easy to abuse them.”

After two years she stopped taking the medication, deciding they weren’t something she wanted to have to rely on. She explains what happened when she went off of them,

“That week, I lost my virginity, I got into fights, I cried, I laughed.”

[via Cosmopolitan]

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