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Eminem Cancels Valentine’s Day with Video for “River”

Eminem has ruined everyone’s Valentine’s Day fun with another depressing music video.

This sport for “River” follows three characters (not including Ed Sheeran, who sings on the track but is barely in the video): Eminem, his love interest, and her ex-husband. They are each in different rooms, being interviewed by a man behind the camera. The mockumentary crushes whatever positive images we had from the song.

Spoiler alert: there is no river in the “River” music video. It’s just the two artists standing indoors, yet they are getting rained on. It’s your typical Eminem video. He’s yelling about something, dysfunctional relationships left and right, and an ex who is still hung up on their past. Yawn.

The video is just under seven minutes, thanks to all the cut scenes from the music and the vague storytelling. Eminem finds out the woman is pregnant, to which he responds negatively. “We’re not keeping this baby” are painful words no mother-to-be wants to hear.

It’s really a sad video to watch and does nothing for Valentine’s Day. If you’re one of many who don’t have a Valentine, perhaps you might enjoy the video. Or not, cause you know, Eminem is weird and has no soul.

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