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Five Ways To Completely Alienate An Entire Group Of People

We’ve all been there: There’s that one jerk at work you can’t stand. They use all your supplies, take elbow room at the conference table, and you’re pretty sure they’re always lying about something. Well, we are here to help you completely isolate anyone you think fits that criteria, because assumption is the mother of all rational thought! Right?

Leave Them Out of Emails:

Need to find an instant way to make someone feel unwelcome? Start by leaving them out of email chains and correspondence. That’s right. Don’t tell them anything. Is there a big meeting happening at 2 to discuss a merger? They’ll be at Starbucks getting their afternoon pick-me-up. Is everyone going to happy hour to celebrate Heather’s birthday? That person will be spending the night with their loved one watching another episode of their favorite show. Ha! You really got ‘em this time!


Talk Shit About Them Behind Their Backs:

If you find yourself in a group of somewhat like minded individuals, start the gossip train, destination: annihilation station! Say whatever garbage opinion you have and spew it like it’s fact. Those who want to see it as their truth will follow in line. And soon, you’ll be enlisting their help in the fight to get rid of all the people you think are shitty!


Just Talk Shit About Them to Their Face:

Call them into your office and just rail them. Tell them they’re lazy, late, and are paying you back for everything you claim they took. Even if it isn’t true! Just lay it on. But this one is pretty ballsy, so if you’re a complete coward, just talk shit somewhere you know they’ll hear. Be really passive aggressive about it. And don’t even present it as an inflammatory comment. If they react poorly, it’s their fault!


Add Insult to Injury:

Act like you like them. It’ll throw them off their game! Any small, idiotic action will surely fool them, for they are far inferior to you both intellectually and emotionally. Thank God for your incredible genetics! This will set you up for the final step in making sure they truly know deep in their soulless bodies that you hate them.


Get Them Fired:

That’s right. You heard me. Get them fired. Get their kids fired. Get their kid’s kids fired, their friends fired, and the students in their old school fired. GET THEM ALL FIRED. They don’t deserve to be here anyways. You do! You’re better! Why? It doesn’t matter why. You just are. You don’t need a reason! You’re you! You’re edgy and tell it like it is! That’s SO REFRESHING.

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