Well, to be fair, I think we were due for a filler episode.
Don’t get me wrong, some important things happened in this episode. But compared to the last few weeks, it was just a tad… Boring.
We picked up this week right where we left off, with Meera Reed pulling Bran along through the forest after narrowly escaping the White Walkers (RIP Hodor). Bran is still warging, and we see brief flashes of terrible things that have happened in the past — everything from Bran being pushed from the window in season 1 episode 1, to the beheading of his father Ned, to the Red Wedding, even the Mad King shouting “BURN THEM ALL!” (which I think is going to be very significant, very soon). Meanwhile, Meera is struggling hard to pull him along in the snow. Plus, where are they even going? Just when Meera is about to lose hope, Bran comes back. But he reveals some terrible news — the White Walkers have found them. Soon we see the army trudging through the forest toward Meera and Bran, who are alone and like, definitely gonna die. Suddenly a man on a horse emerges from the darkness and starts killing the army, saving Bran and Meera. He instructs them to come with him, and although we don’t yet know who this man is, its either go with him or be killed. They go with the man (because duh).
Gilly and Sam are headed to Sam’s home at Horn Hill, where Gilly will stay with his family while he studies at the Citadel. Sam is very nervous, especially to see his father, who apparently fucking sucks and forced Sam to renounce his title and inheritance to a life at the Wall. Sam explains to Gilly that they must tell his family that baby Sam is actually Sam’s child, because if his father thinks that baby Sam is his grandson, he will let Gilly and the baby stay. He also explains that he did not tell his family where he met Gilly, and that his father hates Wildlings, so they proooobably shouldn’t tell him that she is a Wildling or else he may not let them stay. When they arrive at Horn Hill, they are met by Sam’s mother and sister, who are like insanely nice. His mother calls Gilly lovely and holds the baby, and his sister offers Gilly a bath and a dress to wear for dinner. It seems like things are really looking good at Horn Hill! But, this is Game of Thrones after all, so I’m just waiting for someone to pop around the corner with a sword and butcher everyone.
I’m getting reeeeeal sick of the High Sparrow’s shit. Not only is he annoying and dumb, but the entire High Sparrow/Faith Militant storyline is BORING and dumb and I don’t care about it anymore! The High Sparrow is speaking to Tommund about how Margaery’s walk of atonement is going to happen soon, and then he allows Tommund to see her. The two discuss the atonement and sins and blah blah blah. Margaery is acting super weird, almost as if she’s completely brainwashed by the Sparrows, but I can’t tell yet if she really is brainwashed or if she’s putting on an act to appease them while she formulates a plan to escape and take control.
Back to Horn Hill, where Sam, Gilly, and the Tarlys are sitting down to dinner. Sam’s father is, understandably, very scary, and you can tell Sam is very nervous and uncomfortable. There’s some chitchat back and forth, and for one moment Sam’s mother brings up the Umbers (they just allegedly pledged loyalty to Ramsay in Winterfell — this will probably be important later, take note!). When Sam goes to reach for more bread, his father spurts out, “Aren’t you fat enough already?” See?? So rude. Dinner starts to get real awkward, with Sam’s father berating him for basically existing, and Gilly starts to clap back by explaining that Sam is a great man who has killed a White Walker and risked his life for hers and all that jazz. But, Gilly does the ONE thing that Sam EXPLICITLY told her NOT to do — she reveals that she is a Wildling. Ugggghhhhh WHY!!! Sam’s father is pissed and banishes Sam from ever returning to Horn Hill, but surprisingly says that Gilly and baby Sam can stay (so he says… I definitely don’t trust this dude. But the mom is cool so I doubt she’d let him kill them, especially the baby).
In Gilly’s chamber, Sam is saying goodbye to Gilly and baby Sam, because he has to leave Horn Hill at first light. He says a teary goodbye, and Gilly kisses him and tells him that he is so much more than what his father thinks he is (awww). Sam leaves, and not 5 seconds later he bursts back into the room and declares that they are all leaving — together. On the way out, Sam steals his father’s Valerian steel sword, the one he said he would NEVER leave to Sam after he disgraced the family in this way. When Gilly asks won’t his father come after the sword, Sam’s like “well let him try.” Hell yeah, Sam!!!!!
Arya is still at the theater stalking her next kill, Lady Crane. Lady Crane plays a very convincing Cersei, and Arya has noticed that the actress who plays Sansa is extremely jealous of her. Right before the end of the show, Arya sneaks backstage and slips poison into Lady Crane’s rum. But she doesn’t get out of there fast enough, and Lady Crane catches her (not poisoning the rum, just being backstage when she shouldn’t be). Lady Crane takes a liking to her, and asks her a few questions about theater and such. Arya gives her some advice on how to play Cersei, then quickly leaves backstage. Lady Crane sits down and begins talking to the other actors, and of course, every time she goes to take a sip of her rum, she stops for whatever reason. The actors begin arguing a little bit, and just as she’s about to really take a sip, Arya comes out of nowhere like a DAMN IDIOT and hits the rum out of her hand. She points to the actress who plays Sansa and says, “Better watch out for her, she wants you dead.” Okay. Bitch. You’re messing with the Many-Faced God. The same Many-Faced God who LITERALLY took your eyesight. You’ve been training at the House of Black and White for like EVER and somehow you manage to completely RUIN both of your chances to become one of the Faceless Men. Like, how are you so bad at this?!!!? Why did you want to be an assassin in the first place if you can’t bring yourself to kill people!? WHY ARYA, WHY!!!
Of course, the Waif is hanging out backstage too, and catches Arya completely fucking everything up. She goes back to the House of Black and White and reports her findings to Jaqen, who is like “she had potential but oh well.” The Waif is then like “You promised!” and Jaqen is like “ok well don’t let her suffer.” So it looks like Arya has a new problem, the Waif, the bad bitch who she literally has never been able to beat ever. Meanwhile, Arya gets Needle (she hit it in that brick wall thing) and is hiding somewhere, although I’m not sure where? So basically this entire House of Black and White thing was for SHIT and now she’s got a literal professional assassin after her. Cool.
Jaimie is back! (And I’ll be honest I kind of completely forgot about him). Jaimie, Lord Tyrell, Ollenna, etc. are headed to rescue Margaery and Loras from the hands of the Sparrows. Margaery is about to make her walk of atonement when the entire army shows up and is like “nope.” Jaimie insists that they will kill every Sparrow if that’s what it takes to get Margaery and Loras to safety. But that won’t be necessary, says the High Sparrow, the man with the most punchable face since Joffrey (and that is saying a lot). He says that Margaery has already atoned for her sins in an even better way. At this point Tommund emerges, and it is revealed that he is now standing with the Faith — announcing a Holy Alliance between the Crown and the Faith. “What does that mean??” you’re inevitably asking since you’ve probably tuned out every word the High Sparrow has ever said since he was introduced to the series. “It means he’s won,” says Ollenna. And still, I don’t really get what’s going on, and I don’t really care. Sure, it’s important, but also boring. Bye, High Sparrow.
Jaimie is pissed about this new development and he tells Tommund that he’s being an idiot. Tommund, cute as he is, has no goddamn idea what is going on or how to rule the damn Seven Kingdoms. He tells Jaimie that he will continue to serve the King, but not in King’s Landing (we’ll hear more about this in a second).
Just in case last week’s episode didn’t break your heart enough, this week we are forced to relive the Red Wedding with the appearance of Walder Frey. Frey is talking to his men about how Riverrun has been overtaken by Blackfish, and Frey is insisting that the men take it back, even though they are insisting that its nearly impossible. It is revealed that Frey has Lord Edmure Tully taken captive, and that they are going to take Edmure back to Riverrun. Who is Edmure, anyway? Oh, just the little brother of Lysa and Catelynn Stark… and the uncle of Bran, Sansa, Arya, Robb, and Rickon. Shit just got real. World are colliding. Lets goooooo.
Back to Jaimie really quick — Jaimie has ALSO been instructed to go assist Walder Frey in taking back Riverrun (literally everyone’s about to meet and its gonna be crazy). Jaimie doesn’t want to do this, he wants to pretty much kill everyone and get his revenge. Cersei agrees but insists that they have to do it slowly and carefully. Then some incest stuff happens and, yep, its still weird.
Meera and Bran are sitting with the dude that rescued them, still afraid of him because duh this masked man just came out of nowhere and killed a bunch of zombies to save them. He’s also draining the blood from a rabbit right now so that’s terrifying in itself. When they ask who the man is, he reveals himself… as Uncle Benjen Stark! Man, all these uncles are coming out of the woodwork this episode. Benjen reveals that he was left for dead by a White Walker when he was found by the Children of the Forest, who saved him from turning into a White Walker himself and saved his life. Benjen says that Bran is the new three-eyed raven, and although he hadn’t really had time to learn how to control his power, he needs to learn before the Night King comes. Literally, Bran is the key to everything.
While this episode itself was mediocre compared to others this season, the ending was pretty bad ass as usually all because of Daenerys. Dany and Daario are riding with the Dothraki, and the two are discussing her next move, which is to ride to Meereen and then sail to Westeros to take what is rightly hers — the Seven Kingdoms. Suddenly, Dany stops and insists that she’ll be right back and she rides forth alone into the mountains. The Dothraki and Daario are left waiting for awhile, and just as Daario is about to ride after her, here comes a DRAGON. Dany found one of her dragons and is now riding it, landing in front of her Dothraki army where she gives one of the best speeches ever. Because everything sounds cooler in Dothraki. Dany hypes up her army by asking them to ride the wooden horses and fight for her, now and always.
There are so many wars about to happen. I don’t even know what to do with myself.
Until next week!