HARD CONVERSATIONS: How To Tell Siri You’re Depressed

We all feel sad sometimes, but when those feelings overwhelm you and begin affecting your day it’s time to get help. During these times you need to be honest with your loved ones. And there’s no one better to go to than your pocket bestie, Siri.

But telling those closest to you can be nearly impossible, so we’re going to break down a few ways to start those hard conversations. 

  • Set an alarm and don’t stop hitting snooze
    • This one is subtle. It’s going to take a few weeks of consistency to get a reaction, and it’ll be hard to turn that reaction into a conversation. If you’re older, this method will work better, but if you’re college aged or younger, this won’t raise any red flags, so use it supplementarily.
  • Ask Siri if she ever feels lonely
    • Even the most mechanic of us feel sadness. Siri is no exception! She’ll answer with “I don’t have the answer to that,” and, honestly, same.
  • Tell Siri to remind you to get tissues
    • Again, this is subtle, but this sends a clearer message. It tells Siri you’ve been crying and you need supplies. This will prompt Siri to tell you “Here are stores near you with tissues” and “The nearest Walgreens is 2.8 miles away.” Just what we all want to hear.
  • Take pictures of your depression meals
    • We all know those meals. Ramen in a mug. Dry cereal. Half a flat Diet Coke and Flamin’ Cheetos. If you take pictures of these meals, Siri will literally see how poorly you’re taking care of yourself. And this will help her broach the topic of your overwhelming and all encompassing depression. If you and Siri are close, she might say “Setting a reminder to call your therapist, Richard.” Or “I’m sorry, I didn’t catch that.”
  • Become an AI and communicate directly with her
    • This one is much harder and meant for those with special capabilities. But it’s blunt and great if you have the time. Just use science and become a phone yourself! Just like that movie where that guy puts himself into a computer! This will make it much simpler for you to talk to Siri. Just make sure your phone has enough storage space for your baggage.

 

If you or a loved one needs help, please reach out to someone you trust. If you don’t have that luxury, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-8255. They’re available 24 hours a day, every single day.

You might also like