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Here’s What Happened on Last Night’s Episode of ‘Real Housewives of New York City’

While Tinsley and Sonja packed for a weekend trip to the Hamptons, Sonja referenced how, during car trips she likes to “take her Louis’, or her Argentinian luggage”:

Dorinda passed her phone around a table to show Luann and her daughter, Victoria, a photo that she had been sent which she found disturbing, of Sonja at Luann’s bridal shower being dry humped on the ground by a male stripper: 

At the dinner, Luann was giggling at the photo of Sonja, a picture taken at her own shower (why did you have a naked stripper at your bridal shower Lu?), as she poured her daughter Victoria, who was arrested for a DUI just this past week, a giant glass of wine:

And Dorinda also noted that she ‘thinks Sonja is jealous of her’: 

While packing for a weekend away, Sonja browsed through her lingerie collection, and, in regards to what looked like a silk diaper, but what she claimed were Christian Dior panties, she told Tinsley that she was thinking about giving them away to her daughter: 

Lu, Victoria, and Dorinda took a short trip on a boat that Luann captain-ed into Sag Harbor, while Dorinda whined about how she “missed having a boat”: 

Luann discussed her upcoming wedding to Tom D’Agastino, and brought up, for about the fourteen-hundredth time that “once a Countess, always a Countess”:

While out on a lunch date, Ramona perched over Bethenny and Ramona’s shoulders to shove her iPhone into their faces, showing them a picture of her and daughter, Avery, whilst screaming at the top of her lungs “WE LOOKED. BEAUTIFUL”, continuing to yell “DON’T YOU THINK WE LOOK BEAUTIFUL?”:

Ramona announced to the whole table that Avery had contacted her to tell her that her friends had shown her an article about “one of her friends who had had a naked picture scandal”, before she arrogantly chided as far as possible into Bethenny’s personal life, rudely blathering while out in public “oh, so does anyone approach [your daughter] cause you’ve done the ‘being in the press being naked thing’,  and the ‘doing the whole soft-core porn thing’…”.

Apparently, it was recently leaked that Bethenny, in her past, and, over two and a half decades ago, had done a low-budget “cheesy movie” where she appeared topless. Bethenny’s daughter is now six years old, so it’s hard to imagine any children on her playground are asking her about her mother’s nudes:

It’s bizarre that these women can even fathom enjoying a nice lunch together. IT. WAS. A. MESS. 

Next, Ramona called Bethenny a witch, and Bethenny got up and left:

But not before Ramona screamed across the busy Hamptons restaurant dining room “HEY BETHENNY, LOOK UP THE WORD ETIQUETTE TONIGHT”:

The next day, while casually dining with Dorinda and Luann, Ramona drank a glass of red wine and chanted “I GIVE ZERO F’s, ZERO F’s”:

At a small gathering at Ramona’s, Carole and Dorinda sat down to chat about Sonja, and Dorinda told her that she has a “mole”, and almost mafia-style, kept noting that she “has a guy” who gets her all the information she needs on a specific person, and who has done his work for her to compile a “file” on Sonja Morgan:

And next week’s episode looks. a. mazing.

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