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Here’s What Happened On Last Night’s Episode of ‘RHONY’

Back in the “Berserkshires” this week, allllllllll the women got together in Dorinda’s living room to scream at Luann about how she shouldn’t be marrying her fiance Tom in two weeks because he is a serial cheater, and they all had collected files on him. Luann’s response? Basically:

Then, Luann walked away and Tinsley changed the subject by bringing up her fucking arrest yet again:

Sonja farted real loud while just hanging out and getting ready for dinner with Ramona:

Carole gave a two-minute interview about how she’s “great at making fires” because she was a “Girl Scout” and then “a Brownie”, before proceeding to nearly burn Dorinda’s home down as smoke-filled the enclosed space and Dorinda entered the room to note “ummm…you made a fire in a fireplace that doesn’t work??”, before throwing a jug of water on it to put it out:

Tinsley got the women involved in a ridiculous conversation about her waking up in a gown in the bed of a “famous oil baron” whom she had thought was 39, but who turned out to be 30. Then she jabbered about how “30 is too young to date”, you know, even though just the other week she was forcibly sticking her tongue down a 23-year-old child’s throat at multiple locations across the island of Manhattan:

Just hanging around chatting in Dorinda’s sitting room, Luann sported a huge fur stole:

In a confessional, Luann said “there’s a reason the rearview mirror is smaller than the windshield, I’m looking to the future and I’m not looking back at those bitches behind me”:

Luann advised Tinsley that the best way to find a man was to “follow your heart”, but Bethenny did not like this bit of info, spitting back in her face that she had followed her heart and that “her instinct had landed her in the fucking toilet bowl” and that her current “divorce situation is worse than anything you could ever write or dream about”, telling the women how “they could never understand”:

Bethenny broke down and moved into the other room to cry while Carole told the other women that Bethenny’s ex-husband, Jason Hoppy, is constantly harassing her and sending her spooky emails where he calls her by her mother’s name, “Bernadette”: 

Which brings me to my next point: seriously though, what the fuck did Jason Hoppy do to her?:

Ramona told Sonja that she’s confused about her situation with Bethenny and she’s “never confused”:

Of Luann, Bethenny noted “what are you, Confucius? It’s like she’s living in a fortune cookie”:

For some reason, Bethenny and Ramona brought their purses to dinner from their rooms upstairs down to Dorinda’s dining room???:

Ramona dripped sauce on one of Dorinda’s $2000 chairs, and then blamed the stain on Dorinda “putting too much sauce on her plate”:

And then Ramona started going completely fucking berserk and none of the other women knew what the hell was going on:

The women did a creepy raffle where they auctioned off a chocolate Santa and Ramona won and started shrieking her head off about how “AVERY. LOVES. CHOCOLATE.” like a deranged buzzard:

Next, she sidled up literally to the inside of Bethenny’s ear, breathing wine into her earlobe, and whispering an apology to her during which she grabbed Bethenny’s head in both of her hands: 

The ladies gathered to sing “Happy Birthday” to Dorinda, and, of course, Luann had to make an attempt at overshadowing the rest of the group even in a goddamn birthday song, her bold and deep, masculine voice booming throughout Dorinda’s giant dining room:

Then, Ramona made a peculiar toast to the room of women where she said “I’m just in a great place in my life and I LOVE all my girlfriends…except for you Tinsley, I don’t really love you that much yet. But I just LOVE you girls.”:

After the meal, Tinsley made some kind of annoying joke that she thought was just hysterical about how she was “drinking on a Z pack, no big deal”:

As if the rest of the evening wasn’t horrendous enough, Ramona then forcibly directed Bethenny into the living room so they could sit and have a chat:

Bethenny told her that Ramona hadn’t been a good friend to her and Ramona’s face turned bright red, her eyes became slits as the ol’ grey mare bellowed “ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ARE YOU KIDDING ME? ARE YOU KIDDING ME?”, and everyone watching was just like:

And Jill Zarin will be back for a special appearance next week after the wrap up of Part 3 of The Berkshires: 

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