There are a lot of badass lesbians on “Orange is The New Black,” but none quite like Miss Alex Voss. What is it that makes Alex so appealing? Maybe it’s her hipster glasses, maybe it’s her perfectly drawn on eyebrows (even in prison), or maybe it’s the fact that despite her manipulative, sociopathic tendencies she’s still one of the greatest characters on the show. Whatever the case may be, she makes for some seriously good entertainment. In lieu of OITNB returning returning to Netflix on June 12, 2015 I thought she’d be the perfect person to walk us through the days of the week.
If you want to get technical, every day in prison is a Monday. For those of us walking around free and without the burden of potentially being murdered by an international drug cartel, perhaps we should learn to look on the bright side. It’s all about perspective, people.
Mondays are generally accompanied by sadness. Tuesdays are fantastic in assisting in angst, rage, and a general desire to tell everyone to (see below).
Because even behind bars, everyone needs a little Hump Day action.
The weekend is so close that it has you all sorts of giddy (maybe even giddy enough to do a coordinated dance to “Milkshake” by Kelis)
Life is just better on a Friday. It’s a time for spending those hard earned dollars. It doesn’t matter how you earned them–drug smuggling, robbing a bank, prostitution–this is America! The land of endless opportunity (until you get caught).
It’s Saturday. Let your hair down. Maybe get a little frisky with your bi-curious girlfriend. Whatever makes you happy! Once again, this is America! Sexuality should be expressed openly and without hesitation (unless of course any kind of religious sect has anything to say about it).
Even the toughest chick can be ruffled by the doom of yet another week.