One of the most ambitious shows on television, Crazy Ex-Girlfriend is a musical comedy that not only delivers on the laughs but boasts two to four orginal musical numbers an episode. With over 100 numbers to date and a tour on the horizon, I’ve decided to rank my Top 10 songs from the series (with a few bonuses thrown in).
Have you ever spent night after night stalking your ex’s new girlfriend on the internet because the information is all technically public? This song will totally make you feel less guilty about it.
Written by Zach Sherwin of Epic Rap Battles of History, this rap battle came out just around the time Hamilton was at the height of its popularity. Just do yourself a favor and watch the explicit version.
A medley comprised of “You Stupid Bitch,” “I’m the Villain in My Own Story,” “I Love My Daughter (But Not in a Creepy Way),” and “We’ll Never Have Problems Again,” this mashup was a game changer for the series, brilliantly bringing back some old tunes in a brand new context.
10. Let’s Generalize About Men
This song couldn’t have come out at a better time. Sure, not all men are trash, but sometimes us ladies have to make a bunch of blanket statements after they piss us off for the billionth time. This catchy tune is one you’ll be humming with your gal pals as you drink your problems away, before you realize that this ritual is really toxic and maybe we should put a stop to it.
Favorite Lyrics: “All men are emotionally stunted. When asked how they feel, every man’s always grunted. And why do men never listen and only think about themselves as opposed to women, who always listen and never think about themselves?”
9. I Go to the Zoo
Please don’t kill me for ranking this above “Let’s Generalize About Men,” but I still can’t figure out why I love this song so much. The premise is straight up ridiculous and has no impact on the plot. But, Scott Michael Foster really sells this one, and it’s a delight to watch.
Favorite Lyrics: “Next night I got this bitch up in my ‘rari. We drinkin’ Cris, we eatin’ calamari. She tryin’ to give me neck, this life insane, but there’s only one thing that can ease my pain. I tell her ‘Get the fuck out,’ then I go to the zoo in San Diego.”
8. A Diagnosis
After surviving a suicide attempt, Rebecca breaks out into this inspiring ballad once she finds out that her doctor has a new diagnosis for her mental illness. It’s optimistic and heartwarming, something rare for a song on this show.
Favorite Lyrics: “I’m aware mental illness is stigmatized, but the stigma is worth it if I’ve realized who I’m meant to be, armed with my diagnosis.”
7. I Give Good Parent
Another one with help from Zach Sherwin, this hilarious take on impressing your love interest’s parents never fails to make me laugh, especially the explicit version. Plus, I will never get over Mrs. Chan in grills and the sexy pilgrim back-up dancers.
Favorite Lyrics: “Boss-ass bitch no one’s above me. End of the night, they line up to hug me.” “Oh my gosh, this was so lovely.” “Yep, your folks pretty much want to fuck me.”
6. We Tapped That Ass
“Settle for Me” almost made it on this list, I swear, but this song brilliantly shows off the song-and-dance skills of both Crazy Ex MVP’s Santino Fontana and Vincent Rodriguez III. With all the innuendos, I’m still not sure how this one made it past the censors.
Favorite Lyrics: “How many times did we tap that behind? Well, let’s estimate. On an average day, I would have to say mmm… a-5, 6, 7, 8! What? Too cheeky?”
5. After Everything I’ve Done for You (That You Didn’t Ask For)
I have a confession to make: Paula is my favorite character on Crazy Ex-Girlfriend, by a long shot. Donna Lynne Champlin is beyond talented, and it was only fair that she got her big “Rose’s Turn” moment. Proving that she’s the best thing Rebecca has in her life, Paula admits the things she’s done while confessing she sees her more as a daughter than her friend.
Favorite Lyric: “After everything I’ve done for you that you didn’t ask for, the least you can do is be honest with your mother – I mean, friend.”
4. You Stupid Bitch
Putting yourself down is something everyone does. But, putting yourself down while singing a ballad about how much you hate yourself to an imaginary audience is only something Rebecca Bunch could do. Sing with me!
Favorite Lyrics: “You’re just a poopy little slut who doesn’t think, and deceives the people she loves.”
3. Gettin’ Bi
Bisexual representation on TV is few and far between, but middle-aged Darryl is here to change that with his own coming out song. Destroying every stereotype that comes with being bi, this catchy tune will have you dancing around your room… or office. Pete Gardner’s positive energy completely sells this one and will no doubt put a smile on your face.
Favorite Lyrics: “And one more thing, I tell you what. Being bi does not imply that you’re a player or a slut. Sure, I like sex. But I’m no ho, I take things slow, until I feel at ease.”
Have you ever wondered what it would be like if the Spice Girls took over the world? #SquadGoals! This is the feminist girl group parody you didn’t know you’ve been waiting for. Get ready to suddenly have the urge to watch a lot of Hocus Pocus after hearing this one.
Favorite Lyrics: “We’re gonna braid each other’s hair then cut each other’s braids, connect the braids to build a rope to hang all of Congress.”
1. Sexy Getting Ready Song
Both visually and lyrically hilarious, this song from the show’s pilot is phenomenal. I think I play this song every time I get ready for a night on the town. The rap break has me in stitches every time, and I completely lose it when they cut to the guys getting ready. This number really set the tone for the series as a whole, and that is I why I think it deserves to be number one.
Favorite Lyrics: “This is some—this horrifying, like some scary movie or somethin’, Like some nasty ass, patriarchal bullshit. You know what? I got to go apologize to some bitches.”