Woman Releases Pumpkin Spiced Themed Weapon Line

Anna Johnson is here to stop the harassment.

The 32-year-old Connecticut native has developed a new line of weapons that will, hopefully, help her end that.

“I’m tired of being mocked by my barista, my friends, and all of Twitter,” Johnson said. “These likes are just as valid as anyone else’s.”

The weapons are generally non-violent, and range in both size and permanence. Johnson’s pumpkin laser pointer will momentarily blind your harasser, and her pumpkin imprinted boots will leave marks when you step on someone or kick them.

But Johnson’s most anticipated creations are her pumpkin flavored lollipops. Sweet with a touch of spice, the lollipops actually contain a small amount of a numbing agent that will block the harasser’s tastebuds for several hours.

“Those lollipops are there to take away from those harassers what they are trying to take away from us,” Johnson said. “If you’re trying to shame me away from enjoying pumpkin, I’m going to make it the last thing you’ll taste.”

Johnson has been developing the line for two years and said this has been a true labor of love.

“There is nothing I love more than fall. I love the colors, the smells, and the crunch of leaves beneath my boots,” she said. “I just hate that anyone would try to take that joy away just because they don’t like it as much.”

She said the launch is coming on the heels of Starbuck’s PSL season, since this is when the harassment begins to peak.

“I ordered my first PSL the other day and was really disappointed when the barista snickered,” she said. “I was too ashamed to ask for extra whip. And I love extra whip.”

Johnson hopes to expand the line in the future to protect against other kinds of hobby harassments, like makeup. But she’s still trying to figure out which kinds of hobbies need it.

“Honestly I’m just not sure why my boyfriend doesn’t get the same abuse for how much he loves bacon,” she said. “And that shit is year round.”

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